Guys, do you want a new marriage?

Over the last few weeks and months, I have been disturbed by the number of marriages that have crashed and burned among my friends. I guess I’m finally getting to the age where many of the people I know are bailing out on their marriages. I’m concerned and bothered by what is going on. The sad fact though, is that many of these people were active in their churches.

What type of example are we setting for people who are not followers of Christ? If we can’t even show and express love to our spouses, then how we can express the love of Christ to a lost and broken world? As Valentine’s Day approaches, I urge you to really spend some time examining your marriage. Ask the tough questions on how you can make it better, not how you can get out. If your marriage is struggling, then don’t give up! It can be restored to be something beautiful. You can have a new marriage with the woman you are already married to. When you show your wife how much you love her, an amazing thing happens. She will show you her respect and loyalty and love.

Here are some suggestions for the guys that are reading my blog: (look for a guest post from my wife tomorrow with tips for the girls)

  • Date your wife!! Your wife wants to feel pursued. She wants to know that you still care about her and not take her for granted. The dates don’t have to be expensive, but you do have to plan and put exert some effort. How much time do you spend planning church activities or planning projects at your job? You should put even more time and effort into your wife and family!
  • Watch the movie Fireproof with your wife. Seriously, this movie is powerful and I have personally seen it make a difference in many marriages that are struggling. It’s out on video so you don’t have any excuses. You can also visit Fireproof My Marriage for some great online resources to help your marriage.
  • Ephesians 5:33 tells us to love our wives. The greatest desire of a woman’s heart is to feel loved. We should always respond in love, even when we are hurt or feel disrespected. Guys, swallow your pride and take the lead to show love to your wife! It’s not about who wins an argument, it’s about putting her needs above your own.
  • Don’t neglect your time with God. Seriously, your love for your wife will be dramatically influenced by your love for God.
  • Deal with the “parasites” that are sucking the life out of your marriage. Get rid of the pornography and do whatever it takes to give your wife the love and time she deserves. If you need help battling an addiction, don’t be afraid to get it. James 5:16 tells us “Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.” Talk with your pastor or find a good friend that will hold you accountable. Set boundaries and take whatever measures are necessary to protect your marriage.
  • This may seem trivial, but it is very important. Spend time with your wife. Don’t spend all your time hanging out with other friends. Let her know how important she really is to you.
  • Discover your wife’s primary love language. Go to this site and take the 30 second quiz to discover what makes your wife feel loved. And then, commit time to showing her love in the way that it speaks most clearly to her.

My wife Jennifer will be posting some thoughts here on my blog for the ladies tomorrow.

And finally, Newspring Church is starting a new series titled “I Want a New Marriage” Check out the preview video below and then head over to their website at to watch this week’s sermon. It’s going to be a great series, so check it out over the next few weeks.


I am a former design engineer who now pastors Cornerstone Community Church in Galax, Virginia. I'm passionate about following Jesus and I love technology. I've been married to Jennifer for 28 years, and we have three adult children.

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2 Responses

  1. Jenni says:

    Thanks being such and awesome husband!!

  2. You make it easy – love ya

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