I’m a Starbucks Idiot

I have another confession to make. When it comes to the Starbucks experience, I am a complete idiot. Jennifer loves Fivebucks Starbucks and one of the first things we usually do when visiting a new city is find one. I usually go in, take one look at the confusing menu and try to talk myself out of running out the door.

I still can’t remember the grande, tall, short, skinny, fat drink sizes and I never can find what I want to order on the menu board. It seems that everything I like is a special secret item that you have to ask the barista about. I am not a coffee drinker so I have to find stuff that doesn’t have coffee in it. Unfortunately, they never list any of it in terms the average person can understand. Why can’t a Vanilla Bean Crème Frappuccino Blended Beverage be called a vanilla milkshake?

I guess they like creating a culture for insiders. Kind of like a secret society for coffee snobs. But for me, I would just prefer to order without feeling like an idiot.


I am a former design engineer who now pastors Cornerstone Community Church in Galax, Virginia. I'm passionate about following Jesus and I love technology. I've been married to Jennifer for 28 years, and we have three adult children.

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4 Responses

  1. stevecarp says:

    The best explanation for the existence of starbucks is a line in the movie “You’ve Got Mail” and I hear that line in my head (in the voice of Tom Hanks) every time I enter a starbucks. Watch the movie, learn the true purpose for the existence of starbucks. And at least you’ll have that secret knowledge the next time you have to go to one. As for starbucks being a place for coffee snobs, let me tell you that we (I’m a huge coffee snob) don’t like it. When I do find myself in a starbucks it’s for hot chocolate or to fill a desperate need for caffeine.

  2. Tyler says:

    The salted caramel hot chocolate is pretty good (non coffee). Only thing, is that it is never on the menu, and sometimes they have it, and other times they don’t. So I never really know if I am going to get the drink I want!

  3. Steve K says:

    LOL! Now. Let’s apply these marketing lessons to church – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D7_dZTrjw9I

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