Helping Young Men Understand Young Women

I know what some of you are thinking from the title, that this is an impossible task!   But in all seriousness, it is important for any church to teach teens and young adults how to honor God in their relationships.  Back a few months ago, we took our teens on a mini-retreat to talk about relationships.   The biggest surprise for me was finding out from the guys how much hurt and pain they have experienced from dating.  They were upset, confused, and even bitter about the way that girls have treated them.   And they didn’t know what they had done wrong.  Of course, when we talked to the girls, it was crystal clear to them.  There were problems, so they dropped hints and started acting differently, and the guys didn’t notice and didn’t have a clue.  And that is the problem that this book addresses.

I just finished reading a book by Jeff Feldhahn & Eric Rice titled, For Young Men Only: a guy’s guide to the alien gender.  It is a great book about helping teen guys understand teen girls.  It’s not just based on someone’s opinion, it is based on a research study of 1000 girls that dives into how girls react, how they think, and how they are wired.   After reading this, I definitely want to pass it on to some of the guys in our youth group.  I think it will give them a much better perspective on what girls are really looking for in a relationship.  Although the book is written from a Biblical perspective, it’s not really a “Biblical” look at dating.  It is just a down-to-earth, easy to read discussion of the findings from their survey.  

From a pastor/youth pastor perspective, this is a great book to read.  It is probably written on a 8th or 9th grade level, but it would be good to read for older or younger teens.  For me, it brought back painful memories of all the stupid stuff I did trying to impress girls growing up.  I was incredibly blessed to marry Jennifer, and we have been married now for 13 years, but this book even gave me a few insights into my marriage now.  I think I had forgotten how awkward and uncomfortable relationships really are for teens, and this book gave me some fresh insights on how I can help some of the guys when they call me up and are confused and depressed about the alien gender.

You can check out the book’s website at For Young Men Only and find out more info.   You can buy the book from Amazon here , or pick it up at your local Christian bookstore.  And for you girls who feel left out, there is also a book for you in this same series titled For Young Women Only .  

Here is some info from the book.

Drawing on a fresh national survey of 600 teen girls, as well as hundreds of personal interviews, For Young Men Only reveals the real truth about what teenage girls think, what they want, and how average teen guys can build healthy friendships with high quality girls. Full of surprising revelations and practical advice, For Young Men Only delivers help straight from the girls themselves in a fun, easy-to-read, easy-to-talk about format.

Warm, witty, and honest, authors Jeff Feldhahn and Eric Rice tell plenty of personal stories and draw on solid biblical principles to guide young guys through the often daunting world of the opposite sex. Their goal is to help teen guys build self-confidence and understanding, and show them how to pursue a relationship with a girl while giving her the respect and protection she deserves.


I am a former design engineer who now pastors Cornerstone Community Church in Galax, Virginia. I'm passionate about following Jesus and I love technology. I've been married to Jennifer for 28 years, and we have three adult children.

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2 Responses

  1. Tyler C. says:

    hey mike, do you know who has this book right now . . . i know that zach had it some time ago

  2. Mike says:

    I’m not sure – I think Ritchie or Austin. I need to pick up a few extra copies since they all like it so much.

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